three squares film festival

The Best Christmas Ever!!

2011-12-25T08:40:00.000-08:00

Thanks for all your hard work on those videos! We love, love, love them. But what we love more is YOU, YOU, YOU! Can't wait to see you all again. Enjoy your Christmas - you have made ours fabulous.

Love,
Nana and Papa

P.S. Although it is neither mentioned in the product literature nor on the splendid advertisement, the All-A-Commode will easily handle more than 3 squares of toilet paper (the proper folding is still important, though, but the manufacturer promises to fix this before next Christmas). Be patient. The units are on back order. Seems members of Congress had first priority.

Merry Christmas from the Ihnen(black sheep) family

2011-12-25T00:08:00.001-08:00

Better late than never, I'll spare you the lame excuses.

FL Rew are up and rolling

2011-12-24T23:34:00.000-08:00

Untitled from Sarah Rew on Vimeo.

Merry Christmas From the Rew's

2011-12-24T21:51:00.000-08:00

Hope you all enjoy the video. If you can't view it, here is the link to view it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TrihSdLwH8I

Love,
Brad and Thera

Nana and Papa Wish You All A Merry Christmas!

2011-12-24T18:22:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas From The Hoskins!

2011-12-23T22:05:00.001-08:00

Here is our video! The kids worked hard putting this together. We are still out on the road but wanted to make sure to get this up. We hope everyone had a fun 3 Squares Christmas Season. We can't wait to see everyone's video!

2011-12-19T16:47:00.000-08:00

MONDAY, DECEMBER 19, 2011
This Blog has Been HIJACKED!!!
Unknown here, letting you know the latest at 3SFF. The CEO left town, without much notice. She took 98% of the staff with her. For some reason she felt it was necessary for all of the Oregon staff to play in the snow for a week rather than complete her blogging duties. Something about the "Call of the Wild" in Flagstaff Arizona.

Being quite unprepared for this writing assignment I am flying by the seat of my pants, quite literally. I am usually laughing hysterically as I read each post never thinking that it takes much to mock the unwilling participants talked about each day.
I am a computer illiterate and I am not sure this will even make it up. But something has to be posted to save face.

Rumor has it that most of the filming is done and ready for publication on Christmas Eve! Impressive! I guess the little hissy fit I threw last year due to the lateness of some films (You know who you are) had more of an affect than I realized. This power could go to my head.

Well now that we have established that I have control of the blog. Feel free to call me and ask for the password and you can get on and post something. If you don't call I will assume that you haven't read today's post, and of course that you don't care, and that I am being neglected again, and that nobody loves me or appreciates me, and that every other mother and mother-in-law has perfect children that love and adore them and who do everything they are asked to do. Am I over playing this Power thing?
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A Message From 3SFF

2011-12-16T08:58:00.001-08:00

What the Crap

2011-12-15T10:55:00.000-08:00

Is exactly what I was thinking when I found out that Brad's spot on Hannity was given to Christine O'donnell. She went on to give her endorsment to Mitt Romney. Mitt Romney excepted her endorsement which included the prophetic statement-

"he's been consistent since he changed his mind."

Now Mitt I think everyone who lives outside of the looney bin would agree that an endorsement from Curious George would hold more clout than Crazy Christine.

This is just frustrating for all of us. We are in a bit of a conundrum.

The liberal republicans here at 3SFF have been preparing to give their endorsement. I am sure Brad would have been willing to do it right on Hannity.

Many people thought this blog would lean a little towards Romney for obvious reasons. We share one big commonality with Mitt. We too have been misjudged and marginalized simply because we have great heads of hair.

After this whole Hannity fiasco there's been talk of going down a whole new route.

Brad spoke to a real estate tycoon billionaire friend of his and then announced to our staff-

"I'm going to mill around my endorsement. Take my time. If no one impresses me enough I am going to throw my hat in for an independent run."

I know what your thinking he does that every election. It's true, but, 2012 just might be his year.

Mitt there is still time. I am sure if you come to the table with some kind of offer of a cabinet position or maybe let Janna find the next white house dog on craigslist, Brad just might change his mind.

Otherwise. We'll for sure carry the short people vote. We have Josh so if we are asked difficult questions from the lamestream media we can answer "Yes we've heard of Libya." Also Howard reads the newspaper daily and we are all on our first marriages. This campaign could really be a power house.

Brad's preparing his autobiography as we speak.

Gold Rush West Richland

2011-12-14T08:41:00.000-08:00

Brad has wrapped up the taping of his reality TV series "Gold Rush West Richland". We thought we'd give everyone a sneak peak of the trailer currently starring Brad as the lone prospector or tramp, Reed Kinney as the adventurer, and Thera as the romantic lead. Ryan makes a cameo as the outlaw.

Who knew there were black bears in the far north of West Richland? Oh the things Brad can do with forks.

Secrets Tuesday

2011-12-13T15:03:00.000-08:00

There's been some delay to Brad's appearance on Hannity. Their people are talking to our people. They claim it has to do with our support of unions and the absurd amount of NPR Sarah and Josh have listened to over the years. Unfortunately we know the truth and this is why Janna has decided to come forward and reveal her secret.

Janna is a short statured adult.

She is coming out today as full fledged member of nossaonline.org

Why?

Because of Florida House Bill 4063 and the attempted legalization of Smeagle Throwing.

Janna wants to use her celebrity for good. She says Floridians should be ashamed of themselves.

Now it would take Glenn Beck and a really big blackboard to explain what is really going on here, but, let me just say this;

It is our passionate stand against HB 4063 that is the real reason Brad's not on Hannity.

3SFFwill not be intimidated.

Another Tip On Finishing The Video

2011-12-12T15:50:00.001-08:00

From Your Bossy Sister Jen

And Other Life Lessons

If you are on track you should have at least decided your video idea by now. This week you are going to write your plan of action. Include a to do list.

The idea of a to do list is that you will remember what needs to be done and complete the task in a timely matter. In this case a timely manner is before Dec. 24, 2011.

To do lists can also be used in every day life. One might write on their to do list-

finish my PHD

knit an infant cap inspired by an ibex while cooking something noone's heard of

find dogs I'll never actually adopt on Craigslist

do something rather than having Chad do it all

research toilets that can manage more than 3 squares of toilet paper at a time

stop posioning my mind with AM radio

At any rate, once your list is complete the next step would be ACTION. I say a good time to complete your video is no later than this weekend.

Have a great day!

NEWS FLASH

2011-12-10T11:58:00.000-08:00

Brad is making a guest appearance on Hannity's radio show at 12:00 on Monday. I mention Hannity on the blog and he comes begging. These opportunities come your way when your family has a wildly successful Christmas blog. He'll be discussing small business yada yada. I am confident he'll do a great job. It still doesn't change the fact that this blog has a left wing agenda.

As for the free publicity, Sean Hannity you are welcome.

Brad the world will be listening. Good luck. The family is proud.

Conversion Challenge 2011

2011-12-09T09:47:00.000-08:00

Ryan will take the missionary discussions and possibly even commit to baptism (depending on Janna's enthusiasm) if...

Janna streaks this years ward Christmas party.

Wouldn't that be awesome. No one would forget that party. I bet everyone would attend the next years party. It would be one for the record books.

This is what I have to say to Janna-

First of all it was Ryan's idea. If there is nudity involved it is always Ryan's idea. Second of all, greater love hath no mother-in-law than this that she run bare bummeth across the stake center stage while her ward members cheweth ham so that her son-in-law might partaketh of the truthfulness of the gospel. Isn't that the true reason for the season?

Side note to Sarah and Josh. Yes Dad is truly a stretch and flex specialist. He and Janna stretch and flex regularly together. He got certified before retiring. No joke.

Also side note to Missy. I would be happy to share my brownie recipe with any and all. I took up baking them following this year's family reunion. Why? Because you only live once.

It's the reason the blog rocks this year!

Wednesday- Job Hunt for Josh Day!

2011-12-08T14:59:00.000-08:00

Josh is finishing up his PHD here very soon. We all want him and Sarah, Olivia, Brody and Luisa to relocate closer to 3SFF headquarters. Mainly to insure their video is completed on time each year. We all want to help. The problem is no one actually knows what Josh does for a living. Aside from the fact that he is brilliant, I don't have a clue. Do you?

Due to the fact that this is a very down economy, I am thinking that Josh should broaden his horizons as he begins his job search. Maybe from whatever it is his PHD is in, to one of the many wonderful opportunities available today on the Tri-City Craigslist page.

These are actual jobs posted from December on Craigslist for the Tri-Cities. I merely copied them. I know what you are thinking, she should really put more effort into this blog.

AMS OIL COMPANY Become an ams oil dealer - (zebulun,nc) marketing/advertising/PR

(I thought that one said become an ARMS dealer,Josh could do that.)

Synthetic Dreadlock Installation - salon/spa/fitness

(Surely this is a skill you have picked up)

Someone's dream job: Golf, Non-Profits, and Sports Gear - (Pasco, WA) sales

(Now Josh who said it had to be "your" dream job, isn't "someone's" good enough)

QUALITY ASSURANCE (QA) SPECIALIST - (HANFORD) government

(This one's for Dad, just in case retirement doesn't pan out)

Exotic Dancers needed. **No Experience Required** - (Tri-Cities) img sales

(But a PHD has got to make you a shoe-in)

Wanted: Serious Moms who want to work from home - sales

(This one is not for Josh but any moms out their who lack a sense of humor)

Turkish voice needed for dubbing - (Walla Walla) tv/film/video/radio

(Just in case your PHD has something to do with Turkey)

PT FAMILY CRISIS: Is Your Teenage Daughter Out of Control? - (Washington/Oregon Area) tv/film/video/radio

(kind of an unusual job qualification)

This is what I have for you so far. I think it would be best to tailor your resume to each specific position.

Come back tomorrow for the "Conversion Challenge 2011"

Gold Rush West Richland Part 2

2011-12-07T10:50:00.000-08:00

Going for the "Glory Hole"

Inspired by the reality TV series "Gold Rush: Alaska" Brad or "Dakota Brad" as we all now call him has been struggling with his rag tag crew of MBM's (Mano by marriage) to hit pay dirt on what he feels is his "Glory Hole".

He had calculated to beat the original crew from the show in Porcupine Creek, Alaska he would just need to earn back at least .02% of what he's invested thus far. Which was really just some shovels and a few lunches at Samurai Sam's. Things have changed. They are now calling the old sand volleyball court the "Glory Hole". He's got gold fever. There's no stopping.

Why? Because he struck gold. A shiny little nugget was found just feet below the surface.

Unfortunately, the mine is actually bone dry.

Desperate to get Dakota Brad back to work on his Construction Company/Magazine, Howard's been melting Janna's jewelry in the garage. He then buries it out on the mine claim on his way home from church meetings. He believed that if they reached their goal that Dakota Brad and his MBM's would come back to the office. It's lonely listening to AM radio by yourself.

Unfortunately for Howard that small bit of success which was once a gold locket has just spurred them all on. It's going to be a long winter.

Howard's praying the ground will freeze.

Secrets Tuesday - Janna & Howard Raised Democrats

2011-12-06T09:27:00.000-08:00

Not all of them of course but enough of them for it to be scandalous.

It's true all that Rush Limbaugh and Dr. Laura of our childhood took no hold.

They have two who are liberal enough to have voted for the current socialist regime and one who is in bed with the Union, leaving only one child left to listen to AM radio. Howard follows him to work daily and tunes the radio to Hannity other wise I'm pretty sure he would have succumbed as well.

For a while Janna was attending Mitt Romney events hoping it would hide the fact that two years after the election one of her children still has a "Vote Hillary" sign in their yard.

It's embarrassing.

How could she have raised a bunch of tree hugging softies? She should have spanked us more. Too much love was going on in our home.

And so she had to resort to desperate measures=

When the Occupy protests began she confiscated our camping equipment. She said it was for the "sake of the children".

Any good Christian woman would have done the same.

But I say Howard and Janna keep good company. They shouldn't hang their heads too low. After all George and Amy Faust also raised a democrat. In fact their son worked for John F. Kennedy on the committee for civil rights.

Stay tuned for more "Gold Rush West Richland".

Did you know? Jen used to dance on a highschool dance team called the "Gold Rush". Glenn Beck would be so proud.

Todays gold prices 1734.50 per ounce.

Bender and Rehab

2011-12-05T09:32:00.000-08:00

On October 31st, 2011 the lead guitarist for "Hoskins Hairband" was found face down in a pile of Reeses peanut butter cups. He'd been on a three hour candy bender of epic proportions. The band felt like rehab was really the only option for him at this point. Unfortunately this led to the ultimate unraveling of "Hoskins Hairband".

After a successful two year run performing in Arizona's finest Indian casinos they have all gone their separate ways. The lead singer is pursuing a solo career. The main keyboardist is filling in as a judge on X Factor. The drummer is selling the Amazing Squeegee mop on The Home Shopping Network. Some of the band members are being featured in an upcoming reality TV series. The final band member has been appointed as UN Ambassador to Guinea.

We will all be disappointed to not have an 80's hair band music video as part of the film festival this year. No worries though 3SFF has something way better planned for you. You are not going to want to miss it. We've got 19 days till the festival!

Come back tomorrow for Secrets Tuesday. We've got a doozy this week. It's something Janna's been trying to hide from her extended family members, ward members and even neighbors for years. We've been forbidden to discuss at family dinners and reunions, although it always seems to seep out. There's no hiding now though, tomorrow we lay it all on the table.

This week will also have more episodes of "Gold Rush West Richland" and "Life Lessons With Your Bossy Sister Jen" along with the "Conversion 2011 Challenge".

Why Stephen Colbert Should Imitate Howard-

2011-12-02T15:57:00.000-08:00

He would just need to salt n pepper it up a bit. I think he could pull if off.

You know who else might be able to pull off a Howard impersonation?

Bob Saget.

Advice on Finishing Your Film

2011-12-01T15:51:00.000-08:00

By Your Bossy Sister Jen

And Other Life Lessons

Today is the day to choose what you are doing for the film festival.

There are many ways to do something right so just pick one and stick to it. If you are thinking that you just haven't come up with the perfect idea-

Life lesson #1 - nothing is perfect.

In the case of the film festival it is not and has never been "the thought that counts".

If you procrastinate and turn it in late no matter how fabulous it is, it will be late, and late won't work.

This can be applied to many things. Take note.

Conception

Horse Racing

Catching a Flight

Mortgage Payments

And just in case you are thinking I thought it was always "the thought that counts".

When breathing. Not so.

When paying taxes. Not so.

Serving a prison sentence. Not so.

and

The same goes for the Film Festival.

I'll be back next with a side by side comparison of Howard to Stephen Colbert entitled "Why Stephen Colbert should Imitate Howard". After all they look so much a like.

Your Loving Sister,

Jen

ASK HOWARD?

2011-12-01T00:07:00.000-08:00

Now that you are retired are you still excited for the weekend?

Howard threw this little response together in the last couple of days. Please excuse the technical difficulties. For some reason Janna taped it while looking into a mirror. Ask her. Special thanks to family friends The Roots and Jimmy Fallon.

Good news it's Almost Friday. Now that he's retired he's such a teenager.

Gold Rush West Richland

2011-11-30T10:29:00.000-08:00

Brad has compiled a crew to mine gold in the wilderness of West Richland. His team is just a gaggle of several men related to Thera by marriage. But it's Richland so who isn't. It is rumored that entire neighborhoods carry her bloodline.

He has set claim on a plot of land thought to have a large amount of black sand. Where there is black sand, there is gold. That is what his google research has told him. Others are claiming that the black sand is really Presidents Andersons volleyball court. Either way Brad has pooled all his resources to make a go of it.

In other news, Howard has settled on the first question he'll answer for his video chat. There was a large response and many of the questions revolved around what his retirement life is like these days.

"Is everyday like a weekend?"

"Is it ever boring?"

"Are you excited when it's Friday or do you even care any more?"

He told me to give him sometime. He has some friends in town and said that they would help him throw together an answer for tomorrow.

See you then!

Tuesdays Secret of the Week- Howard's New Calling

2011-11-29T11:01:00.000-08:00

Howard has retired! With his new found freedom he can better manage toilet paper usage, baking cookies, and fending off the IRS.

Though those keep him busy he has also started focusing on his new calling. It takes inner strength, long suffering and a great deal of patience.

He works on this with Janna every morning. And that's even before he gets to focusing on his calling.

Howard is a certified stretch and flex specialist. He is basically a yoga guru.

Because of his new calling everyone has to call him by a new name. Even his closest friends. He's been going by-

Eka Pada Rajakapotasana which translates to "One Legged King Pigeon". That pretty well describes him.

The picture to the right was taken on the coast at our annual board meeting.

No he is not sporting a beard that is actually a wool sock super glued to his face.

He's got a couple other hobbies that prevent him from actually growing a full beard. He's really a busy guy.

Come back tomorrow for a new episode of "Gold Rush West Richland" we will be following Brad as he attempts to strike it rich mining gold in the shadows of the Paradise Chapel.

Also submit your questions for "Ask Howard" where he will be responding via video chat possibly while in downward facing dog. Who knows.

3 Squares 2011 is Here!!!

2011-11-28T09:26:00.000-08:00

Another season of film festival magic is upon us. This year is a big year for 3SFF because we relocated the corporate head quarters to the NW and held our first board of directors meeting in Lincoln City Oregon. The relocation was a huge success. The board of directors meeting was a huge flop. Nothing got accomplished. Brad napped, Ryan played Xbox, Chad was doing everything Jen doesn't and Josh gently spoke in terms none of us could understand. Better luck next year I guess.

We are bringing back some of the favorites such as "Janna Tweets" so check the sidebar and "Conversion Challenge 2011" so check in everyday. We are adding some new and exciting regulars such as "Ask Howard" where Howard will answer any burning question via video chat weekly. We may or may not have a regular segment of "Janna's Kids Confess" and "Interpreting Dreams with Sarah".

There will also be the Tom and Brad drama that Josh refers to as "Race to the Top".

Howard is worried that the blog posts won't always be appropriate. He claims he has a reputation to uphold. Something about avoiding the very appearance of evil. To which I responded by tipping my head back and cackling loudly. He really should have raised meeker children. Personally I blame James Bond.

You Thought We Were Kidding - Introducing...

2011-01-03T09:10:00.000-08:00

Tom and The Mooners

I think Tom makes a pretty good Brad and he sings way better than he rides a bike.

Brad and Thera Bring The Big Guns

2011-01-02T19:02:00.000-08:00

I say audition and they say here is an eleven minute video of our gorgeous children -

Beat that Smith Family from Missouri-

Good Bye 2010

2011-01-01T11:05:00.000-08:00

When we began the 2010 Film Festival season we set the lofty goal of putting on our 2nd best year ever. All I can say is...we did it!!

We had many new exciting elements to this Christmas web experience. Janna's tweets was a huge success especially if you were lucky enough to log on on the days Janna had put up a dirty joke. Where was Howard? Oh, everywhere. I think we all have a greater appreciation for the fine art of knitting, or was that crocheting or crotching. I don't know.

The big elephant in the room of course is the one missing video. While I am confident that Phil will talk some sense into Brad I still feel this breech in 3SFF policy needs to be addressed. I was pleased that Sarah and Josh finally posted their video. It performed far and above our pathetically low standards (see Jen and Chad's video) and, it took a lot of energy to be bad mouthing both Brad and Josh and it is a relief to be able to just focus our attention on Brad now.

I know Missy was particularly upset by Brad's lack of video. I over heard her saying "I cut and pasted three heads for this event and he shows with nothing!"

And you see that is just it. We have fans that are expecting five relatively mediocre videos every Christmas. We can't just show to the party with four. It's rude.

So, without further adieu, for the 2011 Film Festival Season, we are announcing open auditions for the position of Brad. We already have families all over the country submitting their videos hoping for a shot at this coveted position.

I know what you are thinking. Wow, that's harsh. No, no. Brad can re-audition for the part of himself and we will give him an equal opportunity. All audition videos must be submitted by the start of the 2011 season.

Has Brad been cut out of the family?No way. He is still in Janna and Howard's will, there is a piece of petrified wood with his name on it. He will still be expected to do his shift at the nursing home when Howard hits 98 and at some point Janna is going to stop glaring at him.

It's just show biz folks. Have a happy new year!

Here is a taste of your competition.

Better Late Than Never

2011-01-01T10:57:00.000-08:00

Here is our video. It is a compilation of Brad and Thera's work. I was not able to load our video to the blog... however, youtube was willing to upload my video. I don't think the blog liked the length of our video. It is l----o----n----g (that is Brad's part :-)

Here is the url to view our video. (i also posted it in the comments).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SwHna2V9Q8U

Happy New Year!!

(boy we started off bad)

You Should Be Scared...Very Scared!

2010-12-29T19:19:00.000-08:00

Well Brad you still haven't posted your video. I am sorry it has had to come to this. I have decided to take drastic action. If you don't get it posted by the 31st you can expect a visit from Phil. He is currently between jobs and has a plenty of time on his hands. He is also very angry.

Disclaimer: The expressed opinions in the above video do not necessarily reflect the opinions of 3SFF...especially if they are republican opinions.

I made Janna cry again: I ROCK!

2010-12-28T11:26:00.000-08:00

Well folks, another year has come and gone. I thought I would post a few tips and tricks I've learned to help us out next year.

I think we can all agree that A LOT of our time is spent converting and compressing files to make them easier to post online, right?

If we could all post a few helpful things, it will save us a lot of grief in the coming years. And really, the only grief we should have during the holidays is from Janna as she harasses us to get our videos posted already!

So, here we go.

(1) Since we all need to post our videos to the blog, try and create your file in a format that is already recognized by certain uploading sites (say, Youtube, or Vimeo,for example). Since Vimeo accepts wmv files (and I used them last year and liked them), I created a slideshow in Photoshop (saved as a wmv file) and easily uploaded it to vimeo.

-Tip #2: be careful about your music choices. Vimeo prefers audio files in mpeg format, so I made sure my song was an mpeg (you can usually convert songs from one format to another-but sometimes it's a pain). I learned this at 3:30 this morning.

Tip #3: Try to incorporate current pictures/characteristics of yourselves and children in your video. I sometimes don't realize how fast we all change, and it's so fun to see the change in everyone through the years.

My best friend for this project has been photoshop. In addition, I created a slideshow in powerpoint, and in Windows movie maker. I can't tell you how much I hate Movie Maker. It makes timing your clips (slides) a HUGE pain. I don't recommend them.

So, that's all for now! Anyone else have any bright ideas they want to share? Do tell!

FINALLY

2010-12-28T10:56:00.000-08:00

We really hope you enjoy this!If not, Sarah will have given herself carpal tunnel in both arms for nothing!

Untitled from Sarah Rew on Vimeo.

The Florida Rews are finished!

2010-12-27T22:43:00.000-08:00

Whew! We are happy, but pooped at the close of this video season.

Sorry it is so late!

There's just one small problem...our video is a powerpoint presentation. We need to convert it to video and we will be good to go.

So...if you have the patience, check back tomorrow! And once again, we are sooooo super sorry it is late. Also we would like to take this time to tell you all that you are all more beautiful, smart, intelligent, computer savvy, athletic, fit, and good looking than us. It is tough being us--we can barely tie our shoes.

Forgive us?

Merry Christmas From the Ihnens

2010-12-24T20:33:00.000-08:00

CLICKHEREFOROURAMAZINGVIDEO

Merry Christmas 2010 From the Ihnens! This is from Ryan, Missy and Emma! I bet you guys didn't think we had better dance moves than Josh and Sarah, but we have practiced hard and we know... We Rule this year! Love and miss you all!

Bonjovial Christmas 2010 3.0.wmv

2010-12-24T17:55:00.000-08:00

The Nana and The Papa at Rew Hall

2010-12-24T13:42:00.000-08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eTMzGFtAzhA

In case you want the words to this classic song, written by Nana herself, here they are:

Starting the blog in November

The writer was pretty whacked.

Gave us a picture of a person

Whose qualities we all packed.

Each of them was quite unique,

From Roon to Clara Barton,

Tubman, Edwards, Anthony,

And Ross, Burnside, and Wharton. Yah!

___________________________

Uncles were riding bikes like mad!

And Josh and Sarah danced great.

Where in the world was Howard, the cad

When the Focus was his fate.

Then there was a miracle birth

And Missy's yarn addiction.

Teaching the birds and bees was mirth,

But the poison caused affliction. Yah!

__________________________

Chorus:

Bump, Bump, Bump

Another film bites the dust,

Bump, Bump, Bump

Another film bites the dust.

And another year's gone and we're still moving on.

Another film bites the dust.

Gotta plan next year, get your butt in gear.

Another film bites the dust.

Bump, Bump, Bump

Another film bites the dust.

Bump, Bump, Bump

Another film bites the dust.

The Baby Wisperer

2010-12-23T21:58:00.000-08:00

Did you know these do exist??? Well I had the pleasure to have one for a full hour last night... for FREE!!! Man, I should tell you that I would pay big bucks for one of these. Since I am a big couponer, I got my first hour free and plan on signing up under 10 different names to get 10 more hours for free! :-) If you would like to take advantage of this deal here how it works... (note: this offer is only available in the greater Tri-City WA area) when you feel at your wits end with your newborn baby you call 555-555-5555 and leave a message (they have caller ID) saying "accordion lover" you should receive a phone call within 10 min. This special code will give you your first hour free. If you agree to listen to him play the accordion for 15min. he will add a bonus 30min for free.

To all you new moms that just don't know what to do with a crying infant this is a lifetime opportunity. For those of you who do not live in the greater Tri-City area I recommend you research one in your area.

He specializes in infants that:

1. do not tolerate their mothers eating anything with flavor

2. poop every 10 min and then proceed to scream in pain from diaper rash

3. have colic that only occurs between midnight and 3am.

I hope all of you enjoy this as much as I do!! (could i rub in in more??)

Notice to Slackers!

2010-12-23T08:31:00.000-08:00

By unanimous vote (actually it was Thera's idea) the deadline for video submittals has been EXTENDED to December 31st. THANK YOU THERA!

We will now call them 'holiday' videos, not Christmas videos. We don't want to offend those who will not have finished in time for Christmas, after all.

I Won! I Am A Queen!

2010-12-20T09:06:00.000-08:00

Well, dear family. The pageant went well. I won Ms. Senior Washington by a LANDSLIDE. Those poor other women didn't even have a chance.

Swimsuit competition pics are forthcoming. I wanted to give you notice since this is a family blog. Check back soon!

I'm Speechless

2010-12-17T09:48:00.000-08:00

Six weeks of solid blogging and I am out of material. There is nothing left to say. It's Jen who writes this so speechless is an accomplishment. I am sure there are funny things left to write about but I can't think of them and that's likely due to all the dirty jokes Janna keeps sneaking into her daily tweets. It's been quite distracting for everyone.

This weekend I will hand off the passwords to the family. The idea is that everyone will post funny stuff themselves. Most likely you will only hear from Janna and we can't promise it will be g-rated. In the spirit of setting the bar low, if nothing else check back for the videos on Christmas Eve.

Get the video cameras out everyone there is only 7 days left!!

And Now You Know Why...

2010-12-15T07:32:00.001-08:00

We are skeptical anything PHD related ever gets done in Florida.

2010-12-15T07:31:00.001-08:00

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Why Papa Howard Doesn't Swim

2010-12-13T11:00:00.000-08:00

I am told that Dad made it home from the Thousand Islands in time to help Janna and grandsons finish putting lights on the Christmas tree.

Janna thought it would be a great time to talk to the kids about the nativity and the true meaning of Christmas.

Howard thought it was the perfect opportunity to, well, expand their minds.

Thera admits that she wasn't expecting an afternoon at Nana and Papa's to be so informative but said "one less awkward conversation I have to have with the boys."

Howard's side is simple "I was only explaining the male and female ends of the Christmas lights."

Janna states "I left the room for a moment to get my step stool and came back and Braden was saying so that's where babies come from?!?

To be fair to my Dad I am pretty confident he was only explaining electrical components. I also know how thorough Howard can be and therefore am pretty confident Braden now knows where babies come from.

Having taught some of my children the birds and the bees I found this tactic to be brilliant. I plan to send the rest of my children home to decorate Christmas trees over the next few years.

Howard's going to be embarrassed over this post but not quite as embarrassed as the time Janna convinced him to go hot tubbing. The evening ended with Janna having to take scissors to cut his swimsuit off of him. Do we really even need to know more?

The story gets funnier every time Sarah tells it.

LAME LAME LAME

2010-12-10T11:01:00.000-08:00

Congratulations Sarah on winning yet another contest. It is exciting to know that someone is still reading this website. Your prize...drumroll...nothing. Missy claims she's too sick to crochet which is sad when there are so many beanie hat thingies left be to made.

Unfortunately it looks like another season has nearly come and gone and no nude performance from Howard and Janna. If I were Ryan I would take this as a sign and start stocking up on Coca Cola and cancel the BYU channel.

Next week is our last formal week of film festival posting. On Monday the 20th I will turn the password of this blog over to the rest of the family for them to post as they wish leading up to the 24th. If last year is any indication expect that week to be a snoozer.

On the 24th everyone will upload their videos. Yes, Josh, Sarah, Brad, Thera, Missy, Ryan, Howard, Janna, Chad and Jen you are supposed to be doing a video. That is the whole point of this website.

Coming up next week a riveting expose' that may or may not be entitled "Howard's in the Room Cover Your Children's Ears!".

Where In The World Is Howard?

2010-12-09T08:01:00.000-08:00

This one I fear is a bit too easy. So no clues just yet. Good luck!

Who is Sophia?

2010-12-07T19:22:00.001-08:00

Sophia is Miracle's nickname. Miracle was given her namesake because of her miraculous conception after a tragic church basketball injury. Brad and Thera waited five long years for her. Brad's a little embarrassed so he insists on calling Miracle "Sophia" after his favorite sister-in-law. This just infuriates Sarah.

Brad was also a little angry when he found out I had spilled the back story to Miracle's name on the blog. Rumor has it he wanted to give me the finger but unfortunately Brad attended the ward turkey bowl and now all his fingers are dislocated. Which is worse than his usual groin injuries but better than the time he burst a kidney at a stake tournament.

Recently when Brad got both his front teeth knocked out at open gym, Thera just lost it.

I am told she said, "Brad enough is enough. I will not stand by as you slowly kill yourself at three on three tournaments and pick up games."

To which Brad replied "Thportth are my life!"

Fat Chance

2010-12-06T08:34:00.000-08:00

Each year we as siblings with the help of our spouses and children make a video that is a Christmas gift to the rest of the family. Ideally it is funny because after all Christmas is about Joy. Each year, however, it's the same song and dance....

-Chad's the star of Jen's Video

-Sarah does all the work of Josh's Video

-Missy and Ryan wear a different colored scarf and their dogs assault each other while Emma looks on.

and...

-Brad and Thera show off their athletic ability

For Example...

Do you remember the year the theme was "Ancient History"? Sarah recreated a pyramid and taught her children to write in hieroglyphs but Brad and Thera just video taped their kids playing Lacrosse.

Do you remember the year the theme was "The 80's"? Chad learned all the choreography to Thriller and performed it with his family as back up dancers but Brad and Thera simply taped a swim meet.

What about the year the theme was "Wild West"? Missy and Ryan wore scarves and cowboy hats in front of their tree but Brad and Thera had qualified all their kids for the Junior Olympics in archery and video taped it for all to see.

This year the theme is "Talents" and Thera had their video submitted six months early. Apparently they have a few like this just sitting around.

Yes that is Brad wearing his Bomber football helmet.

A panel of judges has disqualified their video because Sophia did not appear in the video. Brad states that Sophia was red shirted for 2010. Thera and Brad have vowed they will appeal but it's nearly basketball season and they are all a little distracted. We'll see.

Sophia is dreaming of being an artist....

Fat chance.

See video below.

2010-12-06T07:19:00.001-08:00

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Hint #2

2010-12-02T19:05:00.000-08:00

Sarah is right. Dad was at Grand Central Station but he didn't stay there long. Janna is right he did set sail and near Canada but not anywhere near seattle.

Howard is navigating a 50 mile stretch of river. We sent him to find something but if you've seen one you've certainly not seen them all.

For the record Ellis Island would have been much more creative than what I came up with.

Keep thinking!

Where In The World Is Howard?

2010-12-01T11:49:00.000-08:00

Howard was here on his way to where he is now. If you look closely you'll see him.

Things are back to normal at Howard and Janna's. Dad felt it was safe to leave Janna who is still dealing with her grief but is back to aimlessly perusing craigslist. There was a rumor that the grandchildren were planning (in an attempt to cheer her up) to come over and help set up Christmas decorations. This would involve noise, dirty fingers, possibly furniture rearrangement, small pieces and a slight mess and so Howard was willing to take his assignment however bad it may be.

Howard is on a vessel. He didn't have to leave the country and yet he felt he should bring his passport. He only has a two day supply of food and water. If you don't guess his location by Friday he will resort to drinking his own recycled urine water, but, not because he has to, just because he wants to.

Good Luck!

Surely You Can't Be Serious?

2010-11-29T07:19:00.000-08:00

I am serious and don't call me Shirley.

Heart break and tragedy has struck everyone in the family this day and quite possibly everyone in the world. A great American hero has passed on.

Actor Leslie Nielsen is dead.

Howard has returned home from his latest adventure to be by Janna's side.

Nielsen is best known for his critically acclaimed work in Airplane and the Naked Gun series.

I think we can all remember the first time we watched one of these movies with Mom and inevitably she laughed so hard she wet her pants.

I know my childhood was enriched with these great works of art.

He will be missed.

Youngest Child Syndrome

2010-11-27T06:40:00.000-08:00

Ryan was really excited to announce this year's "Conversion Challenge 2010" because after all Thanksgiving is supposed to be his big week. Did you know that Thanksgiving sometimes falls on his birthday and this year it did. How perfect was that going to be? Thursday the family gathered for a birthday dinner and to hear Ryan's big announcement. I had arranged for a correspondent from 3SFF to record the event. But, the unthinkable happened....

Ryan opened his mouth to make the big announcement and like an eagle hunting prey MISSY swooped in and stole the moment from him. Apparently she had been sitting on thIS juicy tidbit for about 8 WEEKS.

Ryan was crushed. He called me to complain-

"You know", he said "I am a pretty patient guy, I watch the Tab Choir when Janna wants me too, I let Missy decorate our house with crafts from her church nights, I endure Howard bearing his testimony every awkward moment he can get , but this, this, it was too much. This was suppose to be my week. My one chance each year to take control of this crazy situation I'm in and call the shots." He took a PREGNANT pause and then ranted some more "No more Ryan why don't you come to dinner and then bam! general conference happens to be on. No more disapproving looks when I walk in the room with a can of ...Coca Cola. You see for me Thanksgiving is the game changer each year I set the stakes and see if they truly want to play ball."

It has taken a couple days for him to come around. MISSY has apologized and says she FEELS awful and says she's JUST NAUSEOUS. Whatever.

So here it is folks this years "Conversion Challenge 2010"

Howard must play the classic "Do As I Am Doing" on the accordion with Janna on vocals while playing the tambourine. Of course entirely in the nude. To make it just that much more challenging this year the song must be performed at FHE.

Why did Ryan choose this? It's payback for all the awkward FHE's he's had to attend when everyone sings songs like "Popcorn Popping" and he has to pretend it's somehow normal.

If the challenge is met Ryan has agreed to take the discussions all through the month of December and be baptized in the Columbia River on Christmas day. Of course Brad will baptize him because Howard will no longer be worthy.

WE ARE SO EXCITED!!! RYAN'S PRETTY EXCITED TOO!

2010-11-23T20:05:00.001-08:00

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Way To Go Josh & Sarah

2010-11-22T06:54:00.000-08:00

Josh and Sarah have successfully guessed Dad's location as being Charbonneau State Park located 12 miles from Pasco and partially bordering Lake Sacajawea.

What was the fight about?

I can't give away all the family details. What would I write about next year?

Dad is glad they guessed it because all though the park is open year round the area just got it's first snow and that could have been a cold Thanksgiving.

Coming up this week we have another performance by Josh and Sarah followed by a major announcement by Ryan and possibly a game or two.

Where In The World Is Howard?

2010-11-21T13:46:00.000-08:00

Howard stayed close to home this time. Most of us have been to this location many times. This location was also the subject of the only fight I can remember my parents having during my childhood. Let me tell you it was a doozy!

Good Luck!

It Could Be Worse

2010-11-18T06:47:00.001-08:00

Ryan's been cooking something up. He let me in on it a few days ago. We have a tradition here at 3SFF that Ryan makes a big announcement every Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving is the holiday that Ryan gives thanks that he only married a Mormon and not a Quaker because, after all, things could be worse.

Each Thanksgiving he gives my parents their one big chance to win him over to the green jello side. It's a challenge of sorts.

This Thanksgiving you will not be disappointed.

What else is going on in the family?

Well, since you asked, Miracle is doing great. Brad's been giving Thera a break everyday by taking Miracle to open gym with him. Miracle is getting slowly indoctrinated in the ways of the bomber. She has been dressed in nothing but Green and Gold since birth and it will remain that way until her 18th birthday.

Josh and Sarah have taken up cloth diapering little Louisa and therefor we have lost all contact with them.

Chad is busy doing everything. Jen spends her quality time on wikipedia and google. The children are barely surviving.

Missy, of course, has a severe addiction to yarn.

I know what you are thinking, wow, Howard and Janna really screwed those kids up.

But, as Ryan says, it could be worse.

Above picture courtesy of my new favorite website "whatnottocrochet.wordpress.com" where people can submit things that should not ever have been crocheted.

Tragedy Strikes Moon Race 2010

2010-11-17T10:33:00.000-08:00

Minutes ago our cyclists were attacked on the track. Live coverage has been canceled and this is the only video we have at the moment. The video clearly shows Ned racing ahead towards a certain victory with Ray and Tom battling it out in the rear. In an act of desperation Ray shoves Tom to the ground and then the unthinkable. 3SFF are calling this an act of terrorism. Our prayers are with Tom. We all hope he can swim.

See you tomorrow!

Janna found Howard and Stay Tuned

2010-11-17T06:50:00.000-08:00

Janna has found Howard in London, England. He was visiting his old friends at the Handle Bar Mustache Club and getting a Dr. Pepper at the Windsor Castle Pub.

Don't forget to check back today for live coverage of "Moon Race 2010". Where our Uncles Ned, Ray and Tom will be battling it out for the title of greatest Moon on the bike.

See you there!

Let's Settle This Once And For All

2010-11-16T17:25:00.000-08:00

Ned has challenged Tom and Ray to a bike race. We will be bringing you live coverage of the event tomorrow. We are keeping the location and time under wraps due to threats made by our rival film festival family. We are trying to arrange security since last weekends poisoning but Brad's napping and Sarah has lost Josh in a library. Howard is still on location in the most visited city in the world. We could use Ryan, like last year, but he's reluctant. It's cold out and Missy hasn't finished knitting his winter coat. Chad would do it but just doesn't have the time, we all know he does everything around here. We are going with the element of surprise instead. Safety is the highest priority here at 3SFF.

We'll post coverage of the race. Good luck Men!!

Hint #2

2010-11-16T07:50:00.000-08:00

Wow, Janna and Missy should be writing this blog, they came up with great ideas for locations for Howard but...they're wrong.

Howard is out of the country meeting with a club that has been around for more than 50 years.

By the way, did you know that there is a Beard and Mustache World Championships?

Where in the World is Howard?

2010-11-14T19:36:00.000-08:00

Howard may not sport the mustache these days but...once a mustache man, always a mustache man. He is currently on location at a famous pub with some old friends drinking Dr. Pepper.

What about prizes? Well, Missy is a little tied up knitting Emma's entire winter wardrobe. We'll get back to you on that.

What about Janna on Vocals? Are you wondering about the accordion performance? It hasn't been forgotten, just enhanced, we've got something up our sleeves here at FFHQ and it involves Ryan. Stay tuned!

Somebody Poisoned the Water Hole

2010-11-13T20:19:00.000-08:00

I know I don't have to tell you this, but, the world of family film festival blogs is pretty high stakes and cut throat. This past weekend we saw the worst of it.

Staffers in our Arizona location were poisoned. Every man was down. Though we don't know exactly who the culprit was, we have our suspicions.

This of course has cost us precious time and staff morale is at an all time low.

To make matters worse Howard refused to go on location Thursday. Something about a new grand daughter being born. He is becoming very high maintenance. Give the man a weekly segment and he gets a big head.

We expect to be up and running with a new installment of "Where in the World is Howard Rew?" on Monday.

See you then!

Speaking of Hidden Talents

2010-11-11T08:49:00.000-08:00

I received a shocking phone call from Missy last week. It went like this -

Missy: "Jen, brace yourself, I have some bad news."
Jen: "Oh no, you've run out of yarn?!"
Missy: "No, that would be almost as bad, but, Dad is selling his beloved accordion on craigslist."

(Missy is a habitual craigslist shopper like her mother)

Jen: "What? No, not the accordion, we have so many lovely family memories of Dad serenading us with the accordion. Think of the Christmas's, the St. Patty's days, oh, they will never be the same."

Missy: "Yes, Dad is truly talented, our childhood was filled with music because of him."
Jen: "Does mom know?"
Missy: "She's too pre-occupied taking vocal lessons and tweeting."
Jen: "Vocal lessons? Well it's about time."
Missy: "Do what you can Jen."
Jen: "Don't worry I'm on it."

So I put staffer Mason on it. He is our techno guru (the only staffer besides me that can use e-mail) and he did some investigative work.

Turns out Howard is just upgrading and the vocal lessons Janna is taking are all part of big surprise.

Howard and Janna are going to be performing for us soon!

Howard on accordion and Janna doing a vocal solo. They said if we want we can choose our favorite childhood song for them to sing. Missy has agreed to video tape it and post it to Youtube for me. What we need is your ............... song ideas! So post them. Janna has told me that she is going to be dedicating the performance to her new granddaughter "Miracle" (what a lovely name).

For those of you don't know, Miracle was born this morning at 2:30 am to a very thrilled Thera and a relieved Brad. What a blessing, Brad can still have children since his tragic church basketball accident.

For me I have great memories of Howard singing "Another One Rides the Bus" by grammy award winner Al Yankovic.

Congratulations Brad, Thera, Braden, Bradley, Christine and Miracle!!!!

Hidden Talents

2010-11-09T19:23:00.002-08:00

Who knew that Josh and Sarah were once Olympic competitors? Sarah wanted to perform the routine below for the 2010 film festival talent showcase. The Floridians held a talent audition. No surprise, Olivia won the the lead role by a landslide. I felt for effort we should celebrate Sarah and Josh's talents anyways. See video below.

2010-11-09T19:23:00.001-08:00

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Uncle Ray Vs. Uncle Tom

2010-11-08T19:56:00.000-08:00

Uncle Ray has submitted his own bike talent video. Who has the better skills? Submit your vote in the comments section.

One Too Many Hints-

2010-11-08T14:39:00.000-08:00

I sit at home thinking of ways to help you all focus on where Howard is. I just can't plant the idea in your minds. Germany is not that big of a country. How many hexagon shaped towns can there be? You are all a bunch of lamos.

Rankings for the Week of November 1st

2010-11-05T12:32:00.000-07:00

This week Missy one by a landslide in the "Famous American" contest. Mom pulled off a victory in naming Dad's character. For those that don't read the comments section, Howard was George Boldt. He is famous for popularizing Thousand Island dressing among other things.

Missy won the platypus beanie and has agreed to make Janna a special gift. Janna will be receiving a custom crocheted lap dog sweater for the future yapper Howard will never actually let her have.

Brad, Thera, Josh, and Sarah are all in dead last entirely due to lack of effort. Josh says he is busy working on a PHD, something he has been claiming for years and quite frankly we are all pretty skeptical. Brad is, as I have said before, at Open Gym. Ryan also has done nothing this week but everyone gives him a pass on account that he's married to Missy, a job in itself.

The point totals are:

Missy - 9
Janna- 1

Hint on Howard: When Howard developed this passion Janna was very irritated. To continue enjoying the thing he loves Howard resorted to giving Janna gifts.

Hint

2010-11-04T21:00:00.000-07:00

Howard is really getting stressed out. He's tired of being stuck in Germany. He is enjoying the people, since the inhabitants of this town all share something in common with him. He has, of course, already looked up all the Rew's in the phone book and made personal calls to them, but he does that on any extended vacation.

Now Howard is left to wondering the streets of this 330 year old city shaped like a hexagon looking for people in need of advice on whether to buy or lease a car. If only he could be home doing someone's taxes.

Where in the world is...Howard?

2010-11-04T09:50:00.000-07:00

Howard is currently on location in the birthplace of one of his great passions. You must name the town.

I had hoped to entice you with some sort of crocheted knick knack, but, alas, Ryan has hid the knitting needles. Apparently he is heading up some sort of intervention. He claims Missy spends her days knitting beanies and watching "Keeping Up with the Kardashians". The house is a wreck and Missy hasn't showered in days.

Missy texted me this "total misunderstanding, holding Ryan's Xbox hostage till he gives up the needles."

Stay tuned for prized detail. Tomorrow we will return with an update on the scores and rankings, and also what prizes have been one and what prizes are still to come.

Also we have received no news on Miracle Baby as of yet. We know Brad and Thera have waited so long for this (years) and they are just counting down the days till her arrival. With all of Brad's church basketball injuries it's amazing he could pull this one off.

I have been told that Thera is spending her time organizing the new house in preparation for the arrival. Brad is passing the time at open gym at the junior high.

Good luck guessing!

What was Howard shaving?

2010-11-03T16:59:00.000-07:00

We are now able to add open comments to the entire blog. Let's say you would like to publicly speculate on what Howard was shaving in the shower this morning, no worries, now there is a way!

Become a follower of this blog and you can openly comment on anything in the comment box below "Janna Tweets".

How do you follow this Blog (because Janna wants to know)? Click the word follow at the top of this blog then enter your google account info.

Keep all your comments clean!

Uncle Tom Submits His Own Talent Video

2010-11-02T17:12:00.000-07:00

Look guys...no hands!

Running on Fumes, Mayo and a bit of Ketchup

2010-11-02T10:04:00.000-07:00

This morning has been business as usual at Film Festival Headquarters. Someone forgot to fill up the gas tank of the company car (my money is on David), so staffer Chad had to ride his bike while wearing his Jesus Heals t-shirt and carrying a gas can all the way to the local gas station and back.

If you haven't been following along (referring to Josh), Missy has successfully guessed every one's character except for Dad and Chad's. I need to clarify that Betsy Ross was not chosen for her refusal to marry a Quaker (although that is hilarious) and instead for her insistence on always having some type of sewing project in her lap. Chad is Otto Schnering best known as the inventor of the Baby Ruth candy bar (Chad's favorite) and also best known for his ongoing lawsuits with the great Bambino over the candy bar, which was supposedly named after Ruth, Grover Cleveland's daughter.

I am going to give everyone the rest of the day on Dad's. There is a hint hidden in this very post.

Film Festival 2010 Teaser

2010-10-31T20:43:00.000-07:00

It's that time again. The staffers at film festival headquarters in Arizona have been working very hard preparing for what we hope will atleast be the second best year ever. There are new games and great prizes and lots of family secrets to reveal.

In honor of election week we are kicking of the first post with a patriotic game. You might have noticed that the profile pictures have changed. Each family member is being depicted by a famous or somewhat famous American.

Can you guess them? And even better can you guess why I chose them?

I'll give you a hint. The chosen American shares a life experience or character trait with their assigned family member.

As usual here at film festival headquarters we are offering fantastic prizes to the winner. Missy has generously offered to crochet one of her famous animal head winter beanies for the event She has entitled it "The Political Platypus".

In fact all the prizes this year will be crocheted articles of clothing by Missy. She is feverishly crocheting as you are reading this, only stopping occaisonally to facebook about her progress and also about what she is cooking for dinner. There will be prizes along the way but also we will be using a highly complicated point system to keep track of everyone's scores. Once a week we will update the rankings.

Post your best guesses!

What else can you expect this year?

A new weekly special "Where in the World is Howard Rew?"

We will be following the birth of Brad and Thera's miracle baby

Janna will have a daily segment entitled "Janna Tweets"

And many other exciting things to be announced later!

Merry Christmas!

2009-12-25T16:18:00.001-08:00

This has been so much fun. Below is all the family videos. Everyone did one which is amazing. I'll be coming back occasionally to post anything funny that happens. If you hear rumors that Howard has backed through the garage door again or that Janna wet her pants at a ward party come hear for the true and accurate details. 3 squares film festival is the TMZ of family reporting.

We are having a 3 squares corporate retreat in Oregon this summer. We will be making decisions for themes for next years festival. All the children have pledged to lure Howard into hilarious and precarious circumstances while we are retreating in the hopes of some juicy posts for all of you. Janna of course is game for anything we ask her to do.

Finally here is some insider info on this years films-

Howard's beard was actually a wool sock pasted to his face with rubber cement.

Janna bought dollar store basketballs for her boobs, Dad liked it.

Sarah did her entire video herself. It was a masterpiece.

Mom cried upon watching Sarah's video.

Chad guessed that Missy had made Ryan wear the scarf in the video. Turns out he was right.

Thera and Brad had always planned to do the Bomber Fight Song even before I posted about it.

Brad watches his video over and over again as he thinks he has amazing skills.

He has also reviewed Bradley and Braden's performance and now has them in two-a-days.

I've been humming the Fight Song ever since.

Chad is still wearing his make-up.

Josh didn't do a darn thing.

This has been my favorite Christmas!

Farewell-

Howard and Janna will ROCK you

2009-12-23T20:22:00.000-08:00

3 Squares Film 2009 01 from Sarah Rew on Vimeo.

2009-12-23T20:16:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas!! Go Bombers!!!

Love,

Brad Sr., Thera, Braden, Bradley & Christine

the FL Rews are up and ROCKIN!!!!

2009-12-23T19:33:00.001-08:00

Or you can also check us out on VIMEO right here.

Peace!

Painfully Funny

2009-12-23T11:19:00.000-08:00

Don't miss out on Ryan's solo near the end. It's Hilarious!

Merry Christmas Everyone!

Love,

Missy, Ryan, Emmalee, Chevy, & Gunner

Musical Genius

2009-12-23T11:16:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas!

Love,

Chad, Jen, Mason, Tanner, Jake, Sam, David, & Lucy

Talk About Public Video

2009-12-21T22:34:00.000-08:00

Dad and I dutifully decided to do our video tonight. We decided to have our friends come over to help us and film us. Tom and Julie Hoyle, Tom's sister Kay Nelson, and Carolyn and Bruce Jorgensen came to dinner and then stayed for the movie. US!
It of course never occurred to me that this was a great night for people to drop off goodies to our house. We are in the living room taping when Nadell Ransome drops off goodies and stays to watch the video. Then a group of Young Single Adults came over to sing carols to Tom and Julie because they couldn't find them home. They all came in and watched the video performance. Several other people stopped by. It was like grand central station. I feel as if Howard and I are now seasoned actors. We must have performed 4 or 5 times in front of an audience. Bruce is splicing it all together to make the best video and downloading it on to Youtube for us. (We scored on that one.) Anyway we will be remembered throughout the stake I am sure. I think I had the biggest you know what's ever for everyone to see. We should get the most votes. Ours was basically public before it went public.

Impairments

2009-12-19T20:07:00.000-08:00

Dad and I just finished a grueling rehearsal. After seeing Jen and Chad's picture on their facebook page we knew we had to redouble our efforts. Of course even though we are paying for the trip to Hawaii it would still be fun to get a million votes.
I was thinking today about our impairments, (Howard's and Mine). Such as:
Howard is parking impaired. No matter how many spaces there are to park, he cannot find a parking place. It is even funnier when there is so much Christmas traffic.
We are lipsincing impaired. We can't seem to just mouth the words. We seem to need to sing outloud. Hence the grueling rehearsal.
We are acting impaired. We want to do our video one way, but when it comes to acting it out we seem to act out just the opposite. We are like dyslectic actors.
We are politeness impaired. We are one of those people at a four way stop that keeps letting people go first. How lame is that.
You get the idea. Despite all of our impairments, eccentricities and weirdness we have actually been very excited about this laughing Christmas gift. We have laughed more, I would say loved more, but that would gross you all out, and we have really looked forward to Dec. 23rd.
We hope you are all enjoying being with your families and just having fun.
Thanks Jen for a wonderfully fun idea. To me it is what Christmas is all about. Sharing.

Shark Infested Waters

2009-12-18T07:29:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I was feeding Lucy on our family room couch and playing a game with Sam and David. The game went like this-

The Boys would fall off the couch.

I would wail. "Oh no, Oh no, Sam has fallen into a fiery pit."

"Save him! save him!"

I would then wail, "How will I ever live without him!"

Occasionally it was shark filled waters. They both loved it.

With this final post for at least the next few days I know you are thinking, "How will I ever live with out her?"

I am giving the log-in info to the rest of the family.

Two things will potentially happen.

No one will post - I will have a triumphant return.

Everyone will post - I will have succeeded in my original plan.

It's really a win win for me. But, in case it feels like I have dropped into shark infested waters and you find yourself wailing. Check out another blog I write for www.politicalfruits.com.

It has the same humor as this blog, and yes Sarah I took your advice.

Rubbing It In

2009-12-17T08:17:00.001-08:00

Yesterday I attempted to sign up with Youtube. I filled in the required blanks, double checked, hit sign up and received this response-

"Youtube finds you ineligible."

I felt totally rejected.

I have seen some of the lame videos on that website and yet Youtube doesn't think I am good enough for them.

I tried again with Chad's google info and what-do-ya-know Youtube wants his genius just not mine.

He rubbed it in.

So this is how it works. It's easy. You sign up. Hope for acceptance, and then, download your video. The video can be up to 2gb in size and 10 minutes long. I think we'll be covered. This is how I propose we name them-

Howard & Janna - 3 squares film 2009 1
Josh & Sarah - 3 squares film 2009 2
Jen & Chad - 3 squares film 2009 3
Brad & Thera - 3 squares film 2009 4
Missy & Ryan - 3 squares film 2009 5

This way when millions of Americans are watching my video, yours will also pop up.

And, If I get more hits. I'll rub it in.

While typing this Sam came up to me and said "Mom look how big my belly is, I think there is a baby inside."

"Sam, only girls have babies"

"Then why is my belly so big?"

"You eat a lot."

"So is there a baby in yours or do you just eat a lot too, Mom?"

This is not my week. I should probably do some sit ups.

Chad and I like to play a little game when we get the mail. Before shredding the credit card offers, we rip them open to see who was pre-approved for the most. I almost always win. Which is funny since I don't have an income.

Chad ends up feeling rejected. Probably because I like to rub it in.

I am hoping for offers in the mail today to make up for the Youtube incident.

Those Were Good Times

2009-12-16T08:22:00.001-08:00

This year has brought our family some really good times but also some really hard times.

I felt fear when mom was diagnosed with cancer again, and, even more fear when Dad seemed nervous.

I felt great sorrow when a dear sweet uncle was also diagnosed with cancer and deeper sorrow when we lost him.

There were surgeries, job losses, and just some hard days.

Thinking of these hard things it's amazing that I could fill more than 3o posts with funny thoughts on our family.

But that is the great thing about a family, as imperfect as the family unit is, there is always plenty of opportunities to just laugh, even if it's at Dad's expense.

I remember when Mom told me about our Uncle. She asked me to think about memories I have of him. All of them made me smile. I realized he and my Aunt and I had a connection. We both were raising or had raised lots of boys and one youngest girl.

I thought of the time the snakes got lost at their house. I laughed because I could see that happening at my house.

When we lived in the Turner street house Josh and I would dress as army men and play. I would take my shirt off, strap Josh's Sunday belt diagonally across my chest to hold my rifle. All I wanted was to be a boy named Howard.

In that same house Josh and I put a toilet out in Dad's garden (a big white bucket buried in the dirt) and pooped there rather than going inside. At this very moment Dad's feeling sick.

I also remember strangling Brad when I was left to babysit him, but being so proud when he did things like ride a bike at three. I thought, what a brilliant little brother I have. Even prouder when he burnt down the neighboring lot and the fire trucks were called. I bragged to my friends about that.

Then we had a baby sister. That was so exciting. All my friends were the youngest in their families and here I was with a mom having a baby. Which made me almost as cool as the kid with the broken leg. We all spent so much time making that baby laugh and loving her.

Last night when my family finished our video I sat and watched and thought-

First, I am a lucky woman because the man I married has some mad skills.

But also, how I will cherish this video forever as it captures a moment with my children when we were just purely having fun.

So when they grow up and drive me crazy. When our family is just as weird as the one I came from, I'll look back on this video and think-

Those were good times.

Pandora's Box

2009-12-15T07:44:00.000-08:00

On Friday December 18th I will make one final post before the videos go up live on the 23rd. I have decided for a brief period of time to relinquish the username and password to this blog to the film festival contestants.

I will e-mail the necessary info this Friday. From Friday to Tuesday December 22nd all family members will be free to post whatever they wish. Possibly they want to praise me for my amazing blogging talents and incredible ability to bring family unity. Chad is sure they will want to tease him about his dashing good looks sprinkled with comments about our rapid reproduction skills which probably has to do with Chad's dashing good looks.

On Wednesday December 23rd the password will change and I will make my triumphant return with the posting of every one's videos. Sometime this week I will have instructions on how to post the video to Youtube and what to name your video.

Be thinking of fun blog posts!

Fast Approaching the Ultimate Un-extendable Deadline

2009-12-14T06:26:00.000-08:00

December 23rd will be here before we know it.

Simple Pleasures

2009-12-12T15:14:00.000-08:00

Mom- Likes new exciting adventures.

Dad- Would like to never move the furniture.

Rules of Engagement

2009-12-12T15:09:00.001-08:00

As Children we followed these rules, they may be helpful in understanding our parents-

If you've wrecked the car-

Refer to Janna.

If you've murdered someone-

Refer to Howard.

If you've scratched the wall-

Refer to Janna.

If you've eloped with someone who looks scary-

Refer to Howard.

If you've downloaded viruses while surfing frivolous websites-

Refer to Janna and she'll have Howard fix it.

If you've shoplifted-

Refer to Howard.

If you've joined a splinter religion that practices witchcraft-

Refer to Howard.

But, it's very important that if you've improperly parked the minivan avoid Howard-

Refer to Janna

Opposites Attract

2009-12-12T14:47:00.000-08:00

Janna & Howard are a textbook case of opposites attract. For instance-

Janna's Department -

All things involving social situations, family humor, party planning, gift giving, and grandchildren entertaining.

Howard's Department -

All things involving taxes, spreadsheets, mortgages, future investments, home improvement and automotive.

Random Thoughts -

2009-12-11T22:31:00.000-08:00

I am a blank tonight. Can't think of anything truly funny to fill an entire post. The following are the random thoughts that have filled my head-

One time Chad and I tried to convince Mom she had to ride in a booster in the car when visiting us because she is so short. She didn't. Wish she had, I could have had a long post out of that.

Has anyone noticed that in all the pictures of Josh and I from our time living in Washington DC we are always posed holding up gang symbols with our fingers. Why?

Also, from that same time in our lives I can only remember eating hot dogs filled with cheese and blueberry muffins from the box. Surely we ate others things. Maybe not?

How many times a month do I call and my parents have complete strangers staying with them?

Many times.

Dad used the same green comb for easily 20 years or more. He may still be using it.

According to Missy mom is folding the towels now like they live in a day spa. Interesting.

Dad wants to write a book about having a love affair with math.

Mom reads craigslist to get a feel for what's going on in the community. Ask her the going price for a used riding lawn mower. I bet she can tell you.

On one of Chad's first visits to my parents house Grandma talked about her flatulence with him at the dinner table. Her husband confirmed it was aweful. Chad kept a straight face.

Tomorrows post will be better I promise. Have a great night everyone!

Suggest a Song

2009-12-10T17:54:00.000-08:00

Josh and Sarah need help. Most their ideas have proven to be a complete bore. This is what happens when one doesn't ever leave college.

Josh only knows the words to the anthems of small African nations and Sarah has forgotten there is life outside of Nick Jr. and therefore seems to only know "Dora, Dora, Dora the explorer!"

We all know they first considered an Osmond song and then moved onto Pete's Dragon as that is Sarah's favorite movie. It's all been a flop.

I thought it would be fun to have all of us suggest a song for them. So picture them in your mind and type the first song you think of.

My suggestion-

Anything by Ray Stevens, for instance-

Love Will Beat Your Brains Out
The Streak - Dedicated to Ryan
The Family Funeral Fight
Deerslayer

and my personal favorite - Osama Yo Mama

Now it's your turn!

The Fingernail, Of Course

2009-12-09T20:08:00.000-08:00

Sarah guessed it!

When you've been raised in a place that has a stage that looks like and is called "The Fingernail", you've got no other option than to hold every possible event there. It was also the scene of a tragic family accident, so it only makes sense to return.

Why is there a stage that looks like a fingernail? Radiation exposure likely.

The film festival will be catered. I have chosen KFC in honor of late Grandpa Howard.

The Bell Choir will perform a special musical number, followed by Dad on the accordion.

Missy and I will dust off our jazz boots to perform an interpretive dance to the tune Hakuna Matata with Chad on saxophone.

We will be having a spiritual message along with opening and closing prayers. We don't want Mom to leave feeling guilty.

Josh will only be handing out the programs because when he talks, normal people need wikipedia to understand.

Brad and Thera will most likely be late as they are expected to misplace their video along with their keys.

Ryan will be frisking people as they walk in. It's not necessary but he wants to.

Then if everyone follows through we will finally get to the videos. I can't wait!

First installment of "Weird Things Our Parents Do" -

Then: When we were children we got to watch movies by VCR once every few months. Why? Because my parents went in on the VCR with other couples in the ward (you know who you are) and we only got it a few months out of the year.

Now: Missy e-mailed me to inform us that although Howard specially ordered a Ford Focus with every upgrade Ford makes. He is apparently too cheap to spring for floor mats and has cut carpet cubes for his sweet ride from carpet scraps he was likely storing for no apparent reason.

Which suddenly reminded me of the old minivan which had absolutely zero upgrades, but we still rode around sitting on towels (not occasionally but always) to protect the upholstery.

Guess The Venue

2009-12-08T20:34:00.000-08:00

We are ready to announce the venue for the film festival!! We are making it a game since I know you are all dying for a another prize. I am told that Thera loves her jelly bean dispensing gum ball machine, but still has no idea why we gave it to her. This should be easy but I expect you all to humor me with some funny guesses. Missy is offering as a prize to wax the body part of your choice. Josh we all expect you to guess a lot on this one.

First Clue: It's located in our home town.

PS

We have only 15 days till the festival on Dec. 23rd. Get going!

Coming soon:

Weird Things My Parents Do - Feel free to e-mail me suggestions

Howardism of the Day - Jokes only my Dad would tell

Favorite Things About Mom

2009-12-07T15:26:00.000-08:00

My mom is the spice that makes everything fun. She's a straight arrow that can't resist laughing at a dirty joke. These are the memories that may surprise you-

Mom wetting her pants from laughing so hard while jumping on the Gees trampoline. Yes, that's correct my mom went to a fellow ward members house, jumped on their trampoline and laughed so hard she wet her pants.

Mom stopping everything to spend a lazy afternoon with us watching Mariners games on the couch. Dad coming home and cleaning the house.

Mom watching dirty comedies with us as teenagers and asking through gut wrenching laughter "you're sure this is only PG-13", "oh yes mom".

Mom then making sure we got the moral of the story. So much to be learned from Deuce Bigalo.

Mom with a broken ankle playing Wii bowling till the wee hours of the morning determined to better her score. All while balancing on that funny scooter she went everywhere with.

Dad buying Mom her very own Wii to make amends for buying himself a Ford Focus and then putting every upgrade on it known to man. One of their better fights.

Mom's recent conversation with me about her dreams of kayaking the Columbia River.

Mom singing at the top of her lungs while driving the car. Which is much safer than my Dad's approach, sleeping while driving the car.

Mom giving us our birthday presents and Christmas gifts with the tags still on them and days after the actual holiday.

Mom fulfilling her dreams of cashiering a dollar store.

Mom introducing us to uplifting movies and TV shows such as, The Naked Gun, Police Academy, and Saturday Night Live.

Blog Intervention

2009-12-06T19:00:00.000-08:00

I love my parents and for this reason I can longer stand idle while their lives spin wildly out of control. Each year has gotten worse and I fear that this Christmas season may be the point they both hit rock bottom. I feel many of my readers are responsible as they have aided and abetted this addiction for far too long. As hard as this is to write it's time for a blog intervention-

My parents are serial ward Christmas party crashers.

Last year alone they hit 7 parties.

And now that my father is a high councilman he has access to several stake calendars.

Janna does it for the rush but Howard does it for the orange jello and the centerpieces.

I have been told that each ward in the tri-stake area will have their pictures posted at party entrances but Howard has a sophisticated game plan this year.

They come under the guise of "golden opportunity investigators", "new move-ins", "new converts", "lost and senile", "the special music number" and "Mr. and Mrs. Claus".

One year they came as "health inspectors". Howard took it too far and busted the women working in the kitchen, hence, the no cooking/warm only rules in all ward buildings.

We thought this year would be better as Janna had joined a 12 step addiction program. Howard refuses because he says and I quote "I'm a full tithe payer it's within my rights".

Sources confirm Janna has fallen of the wagon. We are asking all ward activity committees to up their security at their party. Beware that they may even infiltrate committee meetings in an attempt to plot escape routes and influence the canned fruit selection for this years jello.

Security cameras at Sweater Barn in Pasco confirm that a dark haired man in glasses wearing a heavily starched shirt and khaki's recently purchased 22 ugly Christmas sweaters.

We fear that the Bonnie & Clyde Christmas Party Bandits are looking to set a record this year with 11 total parties.

Should you suspect that your party has been compromised, it is very important that you not approach them without first contacting authorities, as Howard is very unpredictable and Janna has terrible bladder control, a technique she has used in the past as a distraction.

You've been warned.

Happy Birthday Thera!!

2009-12-05T12:48:00.000-08:00

I am not completely sure if Thera is older than Brad. Much like a sleazy cable show, I find myself slightly exaggerating things to keep you coming back for more. It works of course because here you are reading this.

I wanted to pay special tribute to Thera, because, she like the other in-laws chose this. Josh, myself, Brad & Missy are in many ways victims of circumstance. Thera, however, knew what she was getting into and yet still married Brad.

Each in-law brings something new and needed to the family. We all agree that only Thera could put up with Brad and for that and so many other things we love her. Some of Thera's great contributions to the family have been Greek food, public nursing, and Opinions-

The Greek food speaks for itself, without her blazing the way in my parents family room the rest of us would be nursing our babies in the back bedroom (for Howard's sake of course), and the opinions, well they have been a much needed service.

Thera has a way to honestly tell it straight and it only makes everyone love her more. If that couch just has to go, or the casserole tastes horrible, if that haircut is definitely not a winner, or you've got spinach in your teeth, Thera will tell you, and we're all better for it.

I would pay a tribute to Sarah and Ryan, but, I am my mother's daughter and therefore haven't a clue when their birthdays are (more about that in the wierd things my parents do post). I only knew Thera's because my mother thought Chad's birthday was actually Thera's, Thera's vice versa, and I had to straighten her out.

Our family and Brad for that matter is better because he married Thera. So Happy Birthday to You!

Favorite Memories of Dad

2009-12-03T22:58:00.001-08:00

The truth about my Dad is I can't remember a time when he wasn't faithful and committed to all things that are good. While everyone knows that about him these are the memories that might surprise you-

Dad swearing at us when he tutored us in math.

Dad backing straight through the garage door in the mini-van.

Dad falling asleep while driving us on all our family vacations and mom gently nudging him awake. "Howard your asleep".

Dad renting James Bond movies when mom would be out of town and feeding us nothing but licorice for dinner.

Dad fighting in court over our traffic tickets as if we were actually innocent.

Dad swearing at the apposing team at Brad's football games. Mom not wanting to sit by Dad anymore.

Dad cheering for the apposing team at my elementary school basketball games. The difference between my game and Brad's. Brad was good.

Coming soon-

A special birthday tribute to Thera the Cougar

Favorite Memories of Janna

Weird things my parents have done over the years

It Takes A Village, People

2009-12-03T07:10:00.000-08:00

It is still a very closely guarded secret as to what the Phoenix family will be performing. Auditions for lead singer took place last night for family home evening. Yes, last night was Wednesday but the two previous nights the children were put down early to spare their lives. Between the sea salting of the armpits, the stamping of the bums, the occasional black eye, a neighborhood streaking incident involving David, and when "wasn't me" hung on the towel rack like monkey bars and ripped it clean out of the wall, the best place for them was out of their mother's sight. Chad believes the bad behavior may be a result of Jen being preoccupied with some blog. Whatever.

Let it be known, Phoenix has been practicing for weeks. The auditions were simply necessary because with so much brilliance there wasn't a clear lead singer. We have concluded the following from FHE last night:

Jake believes all bands jump and land in the splits at the end of every song.

So does Chad.

He pulled something last night.

Man he's getting old.

Mason just realized that YouTube is world wide and that everyone in his school could potentially see his video.

"Not cool mom!"

"Stop with the splits Dad!"

Chad wasn't deterred.

Belated Announcement!

2009-12-02T10:06:00.000-08:00

As promoter of the 3 squares film festival I created this website to drive people to vote for the music video that best suited my parents. It's ironic that in all the excitement I forgot to announce the winner. I prepared a list of excuses-

1. Brad was victim of domestic abuse this weekend and I have been worried sick.
2. I spent precious blogging time last night on the phone with my father discussing his bodily functions. Which according to him are working well.
3. Ryan's holding hostages in his garage, which caused me to wikipedia the Patriot Act.
4. My staffers (David & Sam) got into some craft stamps and stamped each others faces and then each others bums. After a lengthy bath it appears that the ink is permanent.
5. I learned in the wikipedia research I did that "Patriot Act" is actually an acronym. I then spent too much time coming up with my own acronyms. Here goes-

Just
About to sing in the
Nude
No one is surprised
Assumes Ryan was serious

or

He#@ bent
On
Wearing
Almost nothing
Really working out
Doesn't want to disappoint!

Here comes "Islands in the Stream"!!!!

Pyramids & Building Inspectors

2009-12-01T06:44:00.000-08:00

It was the beginning of the Summer when I first approached Ryan to handle the security for this event. He recognized the challenges immediately. His exact quote was "Sarah's a loose cannon we'll have the terrorists after us before we know it."

This is when he started constructing what he refers to as "little Gitmo". A place where he could intimidate the enemy and restrain them while retracting valuable information from them to aide his security team in the fight against terrorism. His cover was this, just an average guy that tinkers with old cars. No one would suspect it.

Our cover was almost blown one morning early in August, when an unsuspecting building inspector stumbled upon our "shop" actually a highly technical torture chamber. Ryan wanted to handle him "dirty harry style" but I feared the man might end up at the bottom of the Columbia River. We enlisted Howard to take care of this.

There is another side to Howard that many do not know. He gets a thrill out of attempting to beat the system. Unsuspecting traffic cops have been no match for him in a court of law. We all owe our freedom to him.

If you are a neighbor of Missy's and wonder why you are hearing slow dripping water and Britney Spears music coming from their garage, it's just Ryan washing the car. Or is it. There aren't any Osmonds posed in a pyramid, at the moment.

three squares film festival

The Best Christmas Ever!!

Merry Christmas from the Ihnen(black sheep) family

FL Rew are up and rolling

Merry Christmas From the Rew's

Nana and Papa Wish You All A Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas From The Hoskins!

A Message From 3SFF

What the Crap

Gold Rush West Richland

Secrets Tuesday

Another Tip On Finishing The Video

**NEWS FLASH**

Conversion Challenge 2011

Wednesday- Job Hunt for Josh Day!

Gold Rush West Richland Part 2

Secrets Tuesday - Janna & Howard Raised Democrats

Bender and Rehab

Why Stephen Colbert Should Imitate Howard-

Advice on Finishing Your Film

ASK HOWARD?

Gold Rush West Richland

Tuesdays Secret of the Week- Howard's New Calling

3 Squares 2011 is Here!!!

You Thought We Were Kidding - Introducing...

Brad and Thera Bring The Big Guns

Good Bye 2010

Better Late Than Never

You Should Be Scared...Very Scared!

I made Janna cry again: I ROCK!

FINALLY

The Florida Rews are finished!

Merry Christmas From the Ihnens

Bonjovial Christmas 2010 3.0.wmv

The Nana and The Papa at Rew Hall

The Baby Wisperer

Notice to Slackers!

I Won! I Am A Queen!

I'm Speechless

And Now You Know Why...

Why Papa Howard Doesn't Swim

LAME LAME LAME

Where In The World Is Howard?

Who is Sophia?

Fat Chance

Hint #2

Where In The World Is Howard?

Surely You Can't Be Serious?

Youngest Child Syndrome

Way To Go Josh & Sarah

Where In The World Is Howard?

It Could Be Worse

Tragedy Strikes Moon Race 2010

Janna found Howard and Stay Tuned

Let's Settle This Once And For All

Hint #2

Where in the World is Howard?

Somebody Poisoned the Water Hole

Speaking of Hidden Talents

Hidden Talents

Uncle Ray Vs. Uncle Tom

One Too Many Hints-

Rankings for the Week of November 1st

Hint

Where in the world is...Howard?

What was Howard shaving?

Uncle Tom Submits His Own Talent Video

Running on Fumes, Mayo and a bit of Ketchup

Film Festival 2010 Teaser

Merry Christmas!

Howard and Janna will ROCK you

the FL Rews are up and ROCKIN!!!!

Painfully Funny

Musical Genius

Talk About Public Video

Impairments

Shark Infested Waters

Rubbing It In

Those Were Good Times

Pandora's Box

NEWS FLASH